Things have been pretty crazy of late; getting through the holidays, dealing with a good, but hard, change in relationship status, diminished finances and more change on the way. It’s all pretty stressful stuff in my universe and as nearly everyone with chronic fatigue and pain conditions likely knows – stress feeds the pain. Sure enough I’ve ended up in a pretty bad flare again, complete with depression and pain that’s well off of the 1-10 smiley/frowny face chart.

I know I’m not the only one here right now, in this place, I have several chronically ill friends who are going through similar periods of hell, which both saddens me that my friends hurt so bad inside and out and makes me feel better to know I’m not alone – I have people I can reach out to who will reach back and not mock or question.

This time around flare-country however, I’m continuing to move forward, albeit sometimes slowly; I’m quite proud of that fact. I’ve been here before, these terrible flares that are a daily onslaught of misery, where I don’t want to do anything or see anyone because it just all hurts too much,  however this time around I have more tools in my arsenal; a lot more.

I know what makes things worse and what can possibly ease symptoms. I am better able to gauge my energy levels and I now know what things wear me out the most – better yet, after nearly a decade of researching I now usually know WHY I get worn out. That research has paid off in more ways than I can count, especially when it comes to interacting with health care professionals. Between earning my certificate as a Medical Assistant several years ago and spending too many hours to count in doctor’s offices, clinics and hospitals I have picked up a thing or seven that have made my life much easier, some of which is talked about in my article regarding patient responsibility.

Over the last 10-plus years I’ve also learned more about how diet and environment impact my health. I discovered that I was highly sensitive to a good many things, from soy to propylene glycol products. I no longer use commercial laundry soap; instead I use baking soda and vinegar to wash everything from clothes to toilets. In place of bar soaps and fancy shampoos I wash hair and body with Dr. Bronner’s Magic soap which has done wonderful things for my skin and my hair – it can also be fun to read the label I don’t follow his belief system but you have to give the founder (now deceased) mad props for his philosophy-filled labeling.

Most importantly I’ve learned how to listen to my body; it’s take a lot of doing. It requires trial and error and writing stuff down to look for patterns… but it has paid off big time.  I know what caused this recent flare – it was a perfect storm situation involving months-worth of too much stress, plus changing of seasons (oh man does the cold weather mess with me) and a virus all hitting at once…  then I let my good nutrition habits slide by the wayside because of a huge increase of pain. I let soy and far too much “white” and processed food back into my diet because it was easy and satisfied the “comfort food” cravings; I  backslid from there, which just reinforced the pain and fatigue.

It happens, I’m not the only one in the world – heck I’m not even the only one in my village. What’s kind of cool is I’ve gotten to the stage where I’m not really beating myself up about it much. I have recognized that I transitioned from “occasional bad food for comfort” to “shoving WAY TOO MUCH crap down my throat”. This is bad, time to fix it, end lecture – and I’m on it. I’m detoxing the soy (which doesn’t make for a happy time) and letting the soda and non-soy treats stand while I do that first step. Soy is the hardest for me…not only do I actually like Tofu, soy and soy derivatives are in darn near everything, except, oddly Kraft Mac and Cheese. Once I’m back in soy-free mode fully and it’s easier again, I will worry about the soda. This will take at most a month, which is way less time than when I first discovered the problem that was a year of agony – basically re-learning how to eat and cook. The first slip-up took about 3 months to fix… then 2 months… it gets easier which is awesome!

This time around I also know that no matter how badly I hurt when I first wake up, I MUST STRETCH, as a dear friend pointed out someone with Fibromyalgia who doesn’t stretch is like an Insulin-reliant diabetic who doesn’t take their meds. I was pleased at the clinic the other day when my P.A., who appears to be in prime physical shape, couldn’t touch her toes – I can. What can I say, I get off on simple joys.

As you may have already guessed, the best weapons I have in my arsenal are my friends – they show me infinite support and buoy me up when I feel like I’m drowning. I’m blessed to have this wonderful community, my village, of people – healthy and ill – who reach out to show me the love.

Those friends that I live near to all understand that sometimes I have to suddenly just bail, that I sometimes have to cancel plans or that I just don’t have the energy to do something. The caring they show me gives me some sort of extra energy, soul energy I would guess, as does the support of my on-line community. Their love and patience allows me to better tap into my own love and patience reservoirs – not just to give back to my friends but to give to myself as well. It’s funny how we can be so patient and forgiving with others that are going through what we are than we can with ourselves. [End ultra-hippy moment]

I still have a lot to tackle in 2011, I’m once again starting not just a new year but a new chapter in my life and while it’s pretty scary starting that new chapter right now, the writer in me is just dying to see how it will all play out. Whatever happens I know a few things already: I will learn new things, I will be stronger when the worst is over and I won’t be doing it alone.